7 Types of People You Meet in a Sauna
7 Types of People You Meet in a Sauna: Boasting, Befriending, and Being Bored to Death
Read Time: 4 minutes
Coming up: sweat, silence, oversharing strangers, a man who might be a pretzel, and the 7 types of people you meet in a sauna.
Saunas can be… weird.
Yeah, they’re good for your body. And for your brain. They’re good for calming your nervous system. They’re even better for your heart and your veins and your mental health.
… but they’re also full of strange characters.
(because let’s be honest: if you voluntarily spend your spare time in a steamy chamber of half-naked strangers, you’re probably a bit weird).
So in the spirit of sweaty anthropology, I present: the Sauna n Plunge guide to the 7 types of people you’ll meet in the sauna.
(spoiler alert: you’ve probably met at least 3 of them).
The Sweaty Philosopher
Usually found: talking as if you’re co-hosting a podcast neither of you asked for
Most likely to say: “the sauna just helps clear my mind bro”
The Sweaty Philosopher isn’t here to relax.
Instead, they’re here to drop big bold bombs of existential angst.
With the Sweaty Philosopher, you’re not just sitting on a bench—you’re participating in a TED Talk.
They’ve only been here eight minutes… but they’ve already asked what you really want out of life (which is a bit confusing, given you mostly just wanted to get a bit sweaty and avoid your emails).
The Chatty Networker
Usually found: with their phone in their hand
Most likely to say: “do you come here often?”
Admittedly, as a man who once owned a sauna and plunge business (and now owns a directory literally called ‘Sauna n Plunge’), I’m sometimes pretty guilty of being this guy.
Anyway, the Chatty Networker is desperate to connect, make friends, and ensure no-one can enjoy a single second of silence.
Where you see steam, they see synergy.
Where you see enjoyment, they see engagement.
When you feel lightheaded, they feel an unrelenting desire to ask for your LinkedIn contact.
Probably best to avoid this person. Unless, of course, it’s me.
The Silent Meditator
Usually found: in the Lotus position
Most likely to say: absolutely nothing
The Silent Meditator didn’t come here to chat.
They didn’t even come here to sweat.
They came here to ascend.
They’ve seemingly transcended every basic human need… like talking, blinking, breathing, and acknowledging your presence.
Fun fact: this creature occasionally evolves into the Human Pretzel. This advanced yogi has all the same limbs and body parts as me and you, but usually resembles something closer to a paperclip.
The Fitness Flexer
Usually found: doing pushups and crunches on the sauna floor
Most likely to say: “98… 99… 100!”
Usually a man, the fitness flexer might be the most obnoxious person you’ve ever met.
They might also be training for the Vanity Olympics.
- Towel? Off
- Breathing? Labored
- Core strength? Off the scale
- Conversation? Deeply self-indulgent
I hope you like the sound of this guy’s voice. Cos he certainly does.
The Sauna Expert
Usually found: being on the receiving end of an eye-roll
Most likely to say: “Actually, in Finland…”
This guy is a walking encyclopedia of sauna facts:
- He knows just how hot a sauna should be
- He can tell you exactly how much sauna time gives you maximum benefits
- He has deep knowledge on which Russian towns have the most saunas per capita
He talks about Wim Hof as if they went to school together. He knows the difference between cedar wood and hemlock. He thinks heat shock proteins are an interesting topic of conversation.
… and if you politely listen to him for just one second too long, he’ll explain the benefits of contrast therapy, before making you go outside and roll around in the snow with him.
The Steam Commander
Usually found: pouring way too much water on the sauna rocks
Most likely to say: “Ssssssssssssssssssss”
A mystery to us all, no-one really knows why the Steam Commander enjoys pouring so much water on the sauna rocks.
Does he like the aesthetics of all the extra steam? Is it the humidity? Does he enjoy the sound of the sizzle? Or does he just have undiagnosed ADHD, and can’t stand to stare at the wall for another five seconds?
Whatever the case, he really wants to make sure you can’t see the people you came here with.
The Apprehensive Newbie
Usually found: sitting on the lowest bench
Most likely to say: “is it supposed to be this hot?”
We’ve all been this guy.
(and if you haven’t, why on earth are you reading a blog post about a sauna directory?)
Anyway, the apprehensive newbie has no idea what’s going on:
Stepping into the sauna like it’s a ghost house, they’re confused by the mist. They’re overwhelmed by the heat. They’re overcome by the need to repeatedly ask if it’s really safe to be this hot!?!?
Every minute is a personal Everest. Every lost drop of sweat is potentially catastrophic. And every opening of the door is a brief-but-welcome moment of salvation.
But here’s the twist: they’ll soon be back.
The 7 types of people you meet in a sauna: final thoughts
If you’ve spent any time in a sauna, you’ve probably met most of these people.
… you’ve probably been some of these people.
… and I’ve been at least 4 of them (sorry).
Anyway, in a way, I reckon that’s part of the magic of saunas:
It’s one of the only places I know where you can be weird, sweaty, silent, loud, vulnerable, shirtless, sticky, and whoever and whatever you want… and somehow always very welcome.
To meet some of these wacky characters in the wild (and get some health benefits while you do it!), head to the Sauna n Plunge directory.
Oh, and to learn more about the serious side of saunas, head to our blog posts on:
Thanks for reading, thanks for visiting Sauna n Plunge, and good luck dealing with all the weirdos. See ya!
